Christmas is right around the corner and all the students who has been locked in their rooms for a month now reading for exams have to tread out into the light again. Family dinners await, friends wanna hang, you must be presentable. We suggest you to really have a check with your own personality before this. And even for new year’s, it´s even time to have a look at your current friends. Maybe it’s hay time to dump some of them and find more stable people to hang around.
Or maybe you should do both…
1: Toilet paper the wrong way around (yes there is a correct way!).
We all know that one psycho, or you might even be that monster yourself. How difficult is it to just do it properly? The paper is not supposed to come out from UNDER the toilet roll. Do us a favor of just learning it properly! You make us waste time correcting your mistakes.
2: Ham on top of cheese.
Who even does this? I´ve met one of these specimens recently, and I cannot comprehend the logic behind the action. Why would you put the ham, turkey, whatever sliced meat ON TOP of your cheese. That gives me creepy motherfucker vibes for real.
3: Finishing every sentence in every text with a “.” Even behind the emoji.
If you want to come off as a perpetually angry, passive-aggressive or mean bitch, finish every sentence with a dot. Who does that even!? Are you okay sweetie, did you stroke out while writing and accidentally hit the dot? After every sentence? And even behind the emoji, like, who does that? You probably drown puppies in you spare time.
4: Finish an assignment way ahead of time.
Okay, first of, who the fuck do you think you are!? You think you’re better than me!? We have a silent agreement here at UiA, we do not start on an assignment ahead of time and we do definitely not finish it ahead of time! Nice guys finish last, and trust me, I’m the last guy to hand in an assignment, an exam, my tax papers, anything! So, you little runts with your goody two-shoes attitude, you can shove it up your hoha and find a better personality!
5: Sitting beside someone on public transportation when there are clearly free rows.
Stranger danger Deluxe. This is how Jefferey Dahmer starts, first you sit next to a stranger, next thing I know, I’m hanging upside-down in a sex dungeon being dipped in a lovely bath of acid. You can laugh all you want, but when there are other available spots, why the fuck would you sit next to me!? Only reason I see is a hidden agenda, you twisted son of a bitch.
6: Milk before cereal.
For eons, the human race has existed and continuously pushed the boundaries of nature, bending the world to our will in an everlasting cycle to transcend what it means to be man. Imagine that so many billions of years of evolution has led to the existence of dimwits like you who put milk before cereal. I’m glad to know Neanderthals aren’t extinct, but I’m not thrilled they’re allowed to still commit this war crime.
7: Reading the entire curriculum ahead of class, including supplementary articles, and
keeping it up for the entire semester.
I know we all wish we could be this prick, but alas, most of us has ambitions towards a social life. You, however, have ambitions for becoming a social reject with perfect grades. I know that stick up your ass might provide a momentary sense of pleasure, but might I suggest a bomb instead, cause at least once the pleasuring is done, we don’t have to see you anymore.
8: Decorating for Christmas before Halloween or doing a countdown from Easter.
You must be a sad, sad person. Honestly, do you have nothing else to look forward to in your life than a capitalistic hellscape of overstuffed Santas, bad Christmas costumes and out of tune choirs? Honestly, get a life, find a hobby, start knitting, I don’t know, just don’t growl to me about how many days are left until Christmas.
9: Waiting for the cornflakes to go mushy before eating it, same with only eating the ice cream after it has melted.
Some people just have to ruin good stuff. You could eat it while it was appetizing and edible, but you deliberately choose not to. What the fuck is wrong with you?! I would never share any of my food with anyone disrespecting food in this way. Disgraceful.
10: Buying all your books from SiA Bok, where DID you get that money from?!
No way any regular student has the economy to buy ALL their books from SiA Bok. We hardly have money for our snus, alcohol, and useless impulse buys, how can we justify buying books full price?!