In the far distance there is the obtuse buzzing of an alarm, but with your mind drifting in the realm of sleep, it shows reluctance to let go and embrace the harsh light of morning rays. But eventually we all have to let go, to face reality. Mine, is that the only thing greeting me as I squint past a shielding hand, is the silence of an empty bedroom. In my bed, there’s vacant space, perhaps for that dream I wish was reality.
Someone to wake up next to.
I am nothing, but a wee bit dramatic. However, as my Danish teacher once told me in school “exaggeration encourages understanding”. I am single, and I have been, involuntary, for four years now, not for a lack of trying, but for a lack of compatibility. Woe is me, right? Before you turn away with a sour face, not wanting to further digest whatever “nonsense” this desperate guy wants to spew, I implore you, continue on. You may not connect with what I’m writing, and that’s fine, then this isn’t meant for you.
But for whoever is reading right now, and have felt this tremendous lack of a significant other to brighten your day, this, is for you.
So why am I not okay with being single? I don’t know, there are so few reasons while being so many. You may think I’m an insecure loser who needs someone else to latch onto. And you know what? You may be right. The more I humor the idea of my relentless hope for a relationship, the more I realize it is a desperate gambit in hopes of finding who won’t see the same mistake I face in the mirror every morning. If someone else can accept me for who I am, maybe I can find the will to do so on my own?
This desire for another person in my life isn’t just born out of a narcistic desire for self-affirmation. I also want someone to share my happiness with and more importantly, someone for which I can elevate their happiness. I can already hear the argument “well that’s what you have friends for, you don’t need a significant other to do that”, and yes, I will concede, you can apply the same principle to friendship, some saying your significant other being your best friend in the world. Yet, you can pour acid in water and it’s okay, while pouring water in acid can be deadly. The same principle, the same core ingredients, yet the process having wildly different results, one creating a bombastic concoction of concentrated acid, the other creating but a wave in an ocean. While friendship aren’t exactly acidic beakers, the same argument remains, you can provide happiness for your friends, but the results aren’t the same. You don’t commit to spending the rest of your life in a friendship, you don’t sleep together, you don’t give your trust to your friends the same way as a significant other. But with someone you love, not only is the happiness returned, but elevated to another degree, a bond unlike any other strength.
A bond forged in steel, becoming a chain. But a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and treading the bond of a relationship can be the toughest, yet most rewarding euphoria of them all. It may appear as if I’m possessed by a sudden gloom, but whoever doesn’t recognize that relationships are a lot of blood, sweat and tears, is a fool bound to break the chain of love. But perhaps that is why I crave it, I want to find a person, whom I love so much, that I’m willing to sacrifice so much for.
Someone who will love me no matter what and I will love no matter what.
Someone who can make me feel happy and complete, and for who I will return the favor in fullest.
Someone I can share my happiness with and take fulfillment in theirs.
I don’t want to be single anymore.