Upon immediate receipt of the news that BARE Studenthus were going to offer the chance to taste their new menu free of charge, the event was lasered into my diary as one not to miss. I can only speak for myself, but any opportunity to acquire free food and drinks takes precedence over all else. Except studies, of course. Although even that’s a close call.


I breeze off the bus from campus and sweep past the cathedral in the city centre only to be greeted by one of the longest queues ever attempted (including the one for the second Queen Elizabeth last year). As I sashay (slowly) towards the front of the line, I lunge for the last salad plate (exhibit a) and chastise myself for not arriving earlier. Everyone, it seems, traumatised by the price of produce in literally every store, has had the same idea. Sigh.

Photo: Adam Zawadzki


Unfortunately, your reporter was denied access to savouring the delights of the hamburger as all traces of its (assumed) succulence had already been guzzled by the five thousand that had clamoured for their equal share of bread and fish. Rest assured, the sole taco (exhibit b) that remained (minuscule as it was, as were all the portions to be fair – yes, I know, it was only a taster and not the traditional five-course British luncheon I’ve become accustomed to (quite wrongly) back home in the motherland) was thoroughly enjoyed.


Overall, what was left of the menu your reporter was able to claw at was savoured (despite the exaltations of fellow students requesting my presence elsewhere – no, I don’t do peer pressure) at my pace. Sadly, what wasn’t will have to exist in your imagination, appreciated through the medium of word of mouth (what else) as opposed to cold, hard copy. As it happens, none of the menu on offer was cold or hard, just your reporter dispatched to review it. I purchase a triple decked ice cream from the high street and sit down outside the cathedral under the glare of the hot sun to consider my life decisions. And cry.


PS It tastes better than it looks – and, since I’m studying photography, you know I did my best. A picture paints a thousand words, they say. But who in their right mind would want to paint words? I ask you.


Adam Zawadzki was unavailable for comment. Because he was too busy listening. #adameats


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