Upon immediate receipt of the news that there was an all-you-can-eat buffet within walking distance, I made haste for ‘Catch Me If You Can’ restaurant in the city centre of Kristiansand. Plot twist; it just so happens to be situated on the deck of the ColorLine ferry but as any food fanatic worth their salt and pepper knows, this is only a formality. Don’t let the slight inconvenience of undertaking a seven-and-a-half-hour return journey across the North Sea put you off, however, make it put you on (board)! It’s the ultimate humble brag.

 

Since the ferry company reduced their prices to 50 nok for a same-day return sailings from Norway to Denmark, one can savour the delights of Hirtshals before savouring the even better delights of the food and drinks (wine on tap) on board a vessel of such beautiful interior decoration. Warm colours make everything cosy. During the outward journey, your reporter recommends visiting the tax-free mini supermarket stores, fast food outlets, clothes and gift shops across multiple decks to consider buying more shit that you don’t need at a slightly cheaper price (because people love doing that), you must resist the temptation at all costs. Turn your smartphone data off as you’ll be charged more on international waters and challenge yourself to turn to smarter conversation with your companion, or, if you’re a badass solo traveller, yourself. Sometimes, the best God damn company is you!

 

With plenty of seats on board, don’t bother with the additional expense of confining yourself to one location be it in voyager or business class; there is a different place to perch in every part of this moving castle no matter what mood you’re in – there’s even a children’s playing area for the younger student among you to blow off steam, just like the ferry. If you’re a first-class explorer that shapeshifts across the multiverse and refuses to be restricted just like your reporter, you can always go there. Always remember; don’t ask permission, seek forgiveness. #anotherdayanothersleigh

 

While the aurora borealis is a fickle bitch to track even on a good day, you might still catch a glimpse of her from the top deck of the superyacht (if you’re strong enough to haul yourself away from the cruising cuisine, of course). Not everybody is. Oh, and while you can, in theory, stash some food from the ferry for later, in practice it’s not advisable since the consequences are unknown. If you’re still in the mood for food after devouring the mountains of salad/savoury/sweet spread across multiple starter, main and desert courses: 10 points. Beware the swaying; it’s not for the faint hearted. #buffetthevampireswayer

 

PS this bad boy can take 750 cars and 2315 people. But can it take you? Book and don’t look back! Remember your passport and residency card; this is non-negotiable.

 

Adam Zawadzki was unavailable for comment. Because he was too busy sailing.

#adameats

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