Writhing within my very core is an agonizing sear, threatening to blaze until my burning hatred has been extinguished. I’ll…I’ll erase him, I tell myself, to soothe the heartache charred into me, attempting to shroud my scorching pain with a distorted promise. Once I find him in the Vastness, he’ll regret it. The courage I previously lacked manifested along with the detestation I thought I was incapable of harboring. However, in my destitute of clarity, the discovery of new emotions flourished, some for the better, some definitely for the worse. And thus, I sprint across the weightless ocean that is the Vastness.
How…how could he do this to me? He knew what the Globe meant to me, the very nature of its existence. And yet, he betrayed the secret I entrusted him, the fragility of my Globe, and he…he…
Took the piece that made it all fall apart.
***
I wake up.
The coming day an adventure waiting to be written. All I need, is the ink to write a new tale. My world is a blossoming spring of opportunities, each bud an event waiting to bloom into a grand festivity. A never-ending spring of joy.
Today, I call Helena. We meet for tea and biscuits, reminiscing of a time long past yet one which defined our present. We share memories, delight, and laughter.
And I find myself happy in my Globe, my place of happiness.
As I lay down in my bed, I’m already excited to wake up and embrace a new day. A new day of wonder.
***
The Vastness…I’m floating again, weightless, a cipher…Drifting amongst the unknown, seeing horrors my Globe had previously shielded my eyes from. How could the universe be so cruel, yet beautiful? For every blossoming flower, there was a rotting carcass it siphoned nourishment from. Had I averted my gaze in terror…or in ignorance?
I see Globes filled with suffering, with torment, with despair. I look through their translucent walls and into the hollow eyes of what appears to be walking corpses. But they’re not. They’re just like me, human, yet something is missing. A spark of some kind. I soothe my fragile sanity with the delusion that perhaps their own Globe is broken, just like mine, not wanting to humor the idea that it never had the pieces to begin with. However, that imposed another intrusive thought which threatened to send me to the brink of madness.
Would that be my destiny if I did not recover my missing piece?
Had he perhaps fated me to wither, so he could blossom…?
***
I wake up.
The coming day an adventure waiting to be written. All I need, is the ink to write a new tale. My world is a blossoming spring of opportunities, each bud an event waiting to bloom into a grand festivity. A never-ending spring of joy.
Today, I send for Mortin. We find an unoccupied space within the Vastness and play games for which no rules are defined, but quarreled, nonetheless. We share smiles, glee, and laughter.
And I find myself happy in my Globe and its spot in the universe, my place of happiness.
As I lay down in my bed, I’m already excited to wake up and embrace a new day. A new day of wonder.
***
I am wrong? Am I perhaps just an illusion, a frail mirage conjured to keep my sanity in check? As I drift and run and fly across and between and through the Vastness, the pillars of reality crumble around me, bringing down every sense of clarity, every sense of truth I thought was actuality. Who am I in the grand scheme of things? Like malevolent roots, these thoughts wrap around my mind, choking any coherence.
I should never have accepted that message. I knew it was from a distant Globe, one that did not coincide with my own, an environment so foreign, I could be tainted. Yet, I was fooled by the kind words. The same warmth radiated from the message as that of my friends, yet I didn’t notice its intensity until I was burned. And now, I’m desolated in this harsh winter of cold uncertainty.
I should never have invited him. I allowed him into my home, gave him the opportunity to destroy my Globe. And now, I’m desperately searching for the piece that can finally make my Globe…no…me whole again.
I need to find him. I need to retrieve that missing piece.
Lest it all fall apart.
***
I wake up.
The coming day an adventure waiting to be written. All I need, is the ink to write a new tale. My world is a blossoming spring of opportunities, each bud an event waiting to bloom into a grand festivity. A never-ending spring of joy.
Today, I ask Mari-
CLONK
A glass bottle lands on my doorstep, one made of glass not seen in this area. I look into the glass, the reflection mirrored not me, but the sender. A boy I’ve never seen before. Yet allured by the mysteriousness, I open it and read the message.
I put in my own response and send it back into the Vastness. I know not how the Vastness works; all I know is that the message always reaches the recipient.
My reply would reach Matt. And perhaps, that would be the start of a new friendship?
***
So many things we never question, only accept the ways in which they operate. The Vastness, the Globes, the very existence of reality. Do we understand it, or simply mimic those who believe they do? Is reality nothing but a consensual hallucination?
No, I cannot succumb to these pestering thoughts. I might not understand it, but I must trust in the Vastness’ power to bring me to him.
To Matt.
Yet my conviction is wavering, my courage deflating with each tightening of the roots which torment my mind. My anger consumed by a void, so desperate to be filled. Not with revenge, but with answers. And the only question I needed ask was:
Why?
***
I wake up.
The coming day an adventure waiting to be written. All I need, is the ink to write a new tale. My world is a blossoming spring of opportunities, each bud an event waiting to bloom into a grand festivity. A never-ending spring of joy.
Today, my heart flutters as if a million butterflies embark on their spring flight. Today, I shall meet Matt for the very first time.
I showcase my Globe and we talk about our shared interests, which are plentiful, yet the nuances keep the conversation diverse. We share opinions, excitement, and laughter.
And I find myself happy that I trusted my gut and invited him, my Globe seemingly glowing brighter with his presence. Perhaps I should invite him more often. Into my place of happiness.
As I lay down in my bed, I’m already excited to wake up and embrace a new day. A new day of wonder.
…Has there always been a hole there?
***
The Globes, the Vastness, reality, myself, it’s all blurring into a jumbled mess of unrealities, threatening to explode like a supernova, but what rises from the ashes is not a phoenix, but a frightened individual, scared of its place in the unknown, wondering with each passing thought whether existence is a blessing or a curse. All this existentialism caused by a single, missing, piece. A single piece, which made it all fall apart.
I am uncertain if I will ever reach my destination, I’m uncertain if I desire to anymore. No, I must not be wavered, all could be restored! I…I can be happy; I will be happy once more. I only need to retrieve the piece.
Just as my determination solidifies, I see him.
Quietly sweeping dust from the entrance to his Globe, seemingly clueless of the havoc he has caused, Matt stands.
All my anger, all my hatred, all my sadness, all the courage I had mustered, all the spiteful words I had prepared to aim at him like daggers, it evaporates in an instant the moment I gaze at him. It was as if the void had consumed it all, leaving a starving emptiness.
I am left speechless. It feels as if I am falling, and all I want is to hit the ground so I can get back up. But I just keep falling.
After a few moments, he notices me, my despair seemingly invisible to him as he greets me with a smile:
“What a pleasant surprise! How lovely to see you again. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
My vocal cord refuses to produce my desired voice, and all that escapes my mouth is a whisper:
“Give it back…”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Give it back.”
As my voice rises, so does the confusion in his eyes. Does he genuinely not know?
“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?”
“The missing piece of my Globe, I know you have it. Give it back.”
“I have no such thing, why would you thin-”
“I know you have it! It went missing right after you entered my Globe! A piece has never gone missing when I let my friends in, but the moment you entered, it all fell apart! So just give it back!”
“I-I have no idea what happened to your Globe! I certainly did not steal a piece, I promise you!”
Either his conviction to his lie was stronger than my perception or he’s telling the truth. Yet one of those options is simply not possible.
“You have to! No one else could! You…You did this to me! Everything…everything is falling apart. I…I was so happy before you came, why did you have to ruin my happiness?”
Tears gently glide down my cheeks, and I can see some swell up in Matt’s as well.
“I…I didn’t want to ruin anything. I swear, I didn’t take anything. All I wanted…was to be your friend.”
“Friends don’t ruin each other’s Globes, now do they?” I spit back.
“I’ll say this again, I didn’t steal a piece from your Globe! And how fragile it must be to collapse just because of a single, little piece! What worth did such a frail globe even have!?”
“I don’t care! You had no right to ruin it! It was my Globe, my world, and now, it’s a crumbled mess! Give the piece back, so I can repair it…please,” I beg.
“…I can’t give you something I don’t have. I didn’t take a piece, and I did not want your Globe to fall apart. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
With the stalemate arrives a desolate silence. And neither the stalemate nor the silence is broken. Until finally I see it. The missing piece.
Standing in the weightlessness of the Vastness, I see the piece, lodged in his heart. How it had gotten there, I could not fathom. But what I do know, is that he hadn’t been lying. He hadn’t taken the piece, the piece just…came with him. And thus, my Globe had shattered. Perhaps, it was always destined to collapse at some point, the way it must always be winter before spring may arrive…
“What is it?” he asks as I stare at his chest.
“Nothing…I’m sorry, you’re right. You didn’t take it, and my Globe is frail. I hope we can still be friends.”
He nods, but as he prepares an addition to what he presumably believes to be a resolution, I dash away.
I could have ripped the missing piece from his chest and put it back where it belongs. However, deeply rooted within me, is the belief that my Globe would not have returned to its previous state. My Globe may never be the same again. Just like me, it’s broken.
Yet, a flicker of hope nestles within my heart, a vision of spring to bring warmth to this cold winter. Perhaps my Globe didn’t need to return to its previous state. Perhaps, it was time for a change, to become something new.
I always found it sad whenever a flower withered, but could it be a necessary evil for it to blossom again…?
